Stop Complaining and Start Celebrating Love

Guest contributor Jackie Black, PhD, BCC

I know that when you are contemplating divorce, in the middle of divorcing or trying to put the pieces of your life back together post-divorce, the last thing you want to even think about is falling in love and getting involved a-g-a-i-n.

The research and my professional experience since 1999 overwhelming suggest that the vast majority of men and women will remarry, and hopefully bring with them the life and relationship lessons they learned from their earlier married-life and divorce experience.

Here are some thoughts for you to keep in mind:

Relationships are like bank accounts. If you keep pulling money out without making deposits you will go bankrupt. One of the Essential Relationship Success Skills is to stay mindful of what the balance sheet of your love life looks like, and keep making deposits.

You know, relationships are living breathing entities. Our investment of deliberate intention, and focused time, energy and attention is the order of the day. Your relationship can’t wait until it is convenient for you; or until you have finished everything on your to-do list; or until you are at leisure.

Being a successful Sweetheart requires some serious intention, investment and commitment from both partners.

Relationships grow and flourish when both people show up and make consistent deposits. One person alone, even if that one person makes huge deposits, cannot build and maintain a joyful, satisfying relationship for both of you.

  • Do you spend more time each week watching television or commuting to work than you do alone with your beloved?

  • Or are you too busy to even have a beloved?

If you are in a committed relationship, you want to keep that spark alive; so you and your partner must spend quality, eyeball-to-eyeball time together.

Try this:

  • Think back to when you first started dating.

  • What did you do?

  • What things did you both enjoy that you no longer make time to do?

  • Remind yourself and each other of all the reasons you fell in love.

Let your creative juices flow! Let your imagination go wild! Anything goes. This is the most important person in your life.

And here is another idea:

Really focus in on the one you love and come up with the 4 most loving behaviors you can think of and make a gift of your time and energy several times every month.

  • If he takes Fido out for his 10:00 pm walk every night, why not offer to do it for him the next four or five nights.

  • If pulling the trash cans out to the street is his job, take the trash cans out for the next couple of weeks and give him a break.

  • Tell her that you are going to grab the kids and take them away on Saturday morning so she can have the house all to herself for several hours and then all meet up for lunch somewhere at noon.

Don’t miss the sweetness and the joy you will both experience by reaching out and connecting with each other from the center of your being and the bottom of your heart.

Rejoice! Celebrate yourself and each other.

Let this post-Valentine’s Day time be your good reason to begin to be intentional about investing time, energy and attention in your partner and your relationship; and showing love and appreciation to your partner on a regular basis.

And if you haven’t met your special someone yet, the person who matches your values and makes your heart sing—remember, when you are actively engaged in the life that you love you more easily attract the love of your life!

Remember, only YOU can make it happen!

Dr. Jackie Black

Jackie Black, PhD, BCC, is a marriage expert, educator, author and coach, serving Couples In Trouble and Couples Facing Illness. Dr. Jackie offers relationship education and marriage coaching through her Marriage Coaching Programs: Half-Day Marriage Intensive, Full-Day Marriage Intensive, 2-Day, Destination Marriage Retreat, and in regularly scheduled, weekly sessions.

Dr. Jackie is the author of the Cracking-the-Code series of relationship-focused books; Meeting Your Match: Cracking the code for successful relationships; Couples in Trouble: Cracking the code to ending the #1 conflict in marriage; and LOVE Like a Black Belt; Cracking the code to being a happy couple. All Dr. Jackie’s books are available on Amazon.com.

Additionally, Dr. Jackie is a popular Internet syndicated columnist, a highly regarded relationship blogger and podcaster, a frequent guest expert on radio throughout the world and on the Internet; and is regularly cited in major magazines in the U.S. and abroad.

To read Dr. Jackie’s Blog, please visit http://www.askdrjackie.com.

To listen to Dr. Jackie’s Podcasts, please visit www.RelationshipTalkPodcast.com.

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