Managing Your Emotions & Your Money During Divorce
Road rage violence, athletes retaliating at taunting fans, Will Smith at the Oscars. These are just a few examples of how an emotional reaction to a complicated situation can lead to very bad decision making.
Why does this matter to you? Few things are more emotional than the divorce process and emotional reactions to difficult financial situations can lead to disaster. In this article we will explore three common emotional triggers and practical steps that can be taken to avoid making common, costly and sometimes permanent financial mistakes.
“Never let your emotions overpower your intelligence.”
Extra-Marital Affair
Betrayal, broken trust and a family destroyed. What could be more emotional than that? When we are hurt this deeply, the natural emotional reaction may be to want to hurt back. Depending on the length of an affair and how much marital money may have been spent on it, there may be situations where forensic tracing could be worth it. Much of the time, however, it simply isn’t worth the time, energy and money you’ll spend trying to “expose” your spouse for the lying, cheating person you know they are, because you’ll never be able to recuperate an amount of money that will compensate for the emotional pain you may be feeling.
To help you know “When to Dig Deeper and When to Stop” we recommend this episode of the Divorce Do’s & Don’ts Show that aired on April 19th. You can WATCH IT HERE.
So, what can help you not waste your money on just getting your revenge? Working with a divorce coach, counselor or therapist can help you process the hurt and betrayal. They can help you channel that energy from taking revenge to recovery and rebuilding for the future. And any money saved on your divorce costs will then be money you can use to help you create that future.
“If you cannot control your emotions, you cannot control your money.”
Co-Parenting Issues
First of all, keeping children safe is always the priority, so never stay in a situation where you or your children are at risk.
That being said, it’s nothing but a tragedy when parents use children against each other.
What is truly best for your child should be the only motivating factor in creating a parenting plan and/or calculating child support. Depriving children of shared parenting time simply to get more money in child support is disgraceful. Conversely, advocating for more parenting time, just to avoid having to pay child support is equally shameful. Children are not pawns; they didn’t ask for divorce, and they don’t deserve to be in the middle of this adult issue.
If you are having difficulty developing a reasonable, practical parenting plan with your co-parent, we recommend working with a parenting expert that can function as a neutral party in helping you keep your personal differences aside, so each household will create a safe, nurturing environment for your children.
Here are a few episodes of The Divorce Do’s & Don’ts Show that you may find helpful as you start developing your parenting plan:
“As your kids grow up, they may forget what you said, but they won’t forget how you made them feel.”
Hidden Assets / Financial Infidelity
If you were not typically involved in the family’s finances during your marriage, or if you don’t consider yourself financially savvy, it can be very stressful to deal with the financial issues of the divorce process. It may be difficult to understand what should be disclosed during divorce and how to access the necessary information. Perhaps you are hearing new financial terminology or seeing accounts you never knew about.
Meeting with a financial expert as early in the process as possible can help you better understand what you should be looking for and where you might be able to find it. If you are concerned that your spouse may be hiding accounts or moving marital money around, your divorce team can help you determine if hiring a forensic expert might be advisable.
To help get you organized and start you off on the right foot, you can download the Free Divorce Financial Fitness Kit HERE. We also recommend watching the “When to Dig Deeper and When to Stop” episode of The Divorce Do’s & Don’ts Show (see link above).
Managing your emotions is critical to the decision-making process during divorce. As DivorceTown USA® Mediator and Peace Studies expert Tracy Gould-Sheinin wisely said, “Learn how to respond not react to emotional situations.” (See “Gaining Clarity Through Mediation”.)
Divorce is difficult. You will get emotional. The key is managing your emotions, so they don’t negatively influence your financial decisions. And, you do not have to go it alone, nor should you. Your Divorce Help & Hope is Here™.
Additional Resources
The Divorce Do’s & Don’ts Show
Exploring every aspect of every phase of the divorce process.
We will interview top experts, share practical resources and offer sound advice to help guide and support you each step of the way. Our weekly episodes will focus on questions and issues specific to the divorce process - preparing for it, getting through it, step and co-parenting, healing, recovery and much more!
You do not have to face divorce alone, nor should you. Your Divorce Help & Hope is Here.™
Live - Tuesdays - 9:00 am PT / 12:00 pm ET