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Let Go and Let Love

June 20, 2011 By Leave a Comment



Though I am a big fan and affiliate of Linda Claire Puig, best known for her writing and Done For You newsletters at Claire Communications, today I am sharing a personal story she recently posted in her ezine and has given me permission to share with you.

Linda Claire wrote, “I’m sharing with you one of the most significant events of my life that happened on June 16th ten years ago. My son, his father and our dog were in a serious car accident in Los Angeles. Fortunately, my son and his new puppy survived with barely a scratch. Unfortunately, his father did not survive. It was a huge, life-changing event, as you might imagine, for all of us.

Just 2 hours before the accident, I was suddenly moved to tell my ex-husband how much I loved him and how grateful I was for his presence in my life. I am forever thankful for the grace that urged me to speak those last words to him.

This video tells a little more about that experience. I made it about 9 years ago for the Center for Nonviolent Communication, where I had done some training. NVC, as it’s known, is the brilliant work of a true hero of mine, Marshall Rosenberg.

Here’s the link directly to the video: Last Loving Message I just want to encourage you to tell your loved ones how much they mean to you.”

This video of Linda’s experience sends a reminder to us that no matter how much disdain or pain you feel about your ex, that person still helped give life to your child. If for no other reason, send love to them for that. It’s amazing the healing that will happen in your own life when you let go and let love.

Have you experienced something of a similar nature that would help heal others? If so, please share your comments here.



Filed Under: challenges, Children, Love, Parenting Tagged With: , , ,

Fun and Frugal “Staycation” Ideas

June 1, 2011 By 2 Comments



staycationDoes Your Budget Call for a “Staycation” this Year?

Everywhere you look these days costs are rising. Nowhere is that more evident than at the gas pumps and because of that many folks are cutting back on travel plans and summer vacations this year. But that doesn’t mean you can’t have fun! In fact, most people never truly explore the wonders that surround them because they are busy working and shuttling kids around all the time.

In doing research for this article I found experts recommend that if you are going to do a staycation that you agree that little to no work will be done in your “time off.” It’s too easy to stray from your fun day if you start cleaning the garage and get on a roll!

Make a plan and stick to it. If you can’t do a whole week then pick specific days and mark them on your calendar so that you and your kids plan your activities in advance.

Here’s are a few ideas I came up with to make the most of your “staycation” in fun and frugal ways:

1. Make a map and take a day to explore all the museums around your area.
2. Visit those parks that you may have passed, but never had the chance to explore.
3. What about creating a list of unusual items and having a scavenger hunt among antique stores around you?
4. Write a script and film a family video. Everyone gets a starring role!
5. Stay in your pajamas and watch old flicks all day. The classics never get old!

Do you have some staycation ideas?



Filed Under: Children, frugal, Fun, staycation Tagged With: , , ,

Real Estate – How to Value Your Largest Asset

May 24, 2011 By Leave a Comment



marital home

Are you thinking about selling your marital home?

A lot of my clients have been asking questions about appraisals and how they relate to determining the value of their marital home and other properties. To get more information I reached out to Real Estate Appraiser, Mike Congemi, of Appraisal Workx.

Here is what he shared:

Divorce can be a very emotional and challenging time. You are forced with many decisions that will shape and affect the rest of your life. Frequently your marital home needs to be sold so that one or both spouses can liquidate their share.

In this dynamic time in the real market how do you maximize the value of your marital home?

The first step might be to engage a certified appraiser. Remember that an appraisal is a confidential document and the appraiser can only share information in it with the client who engaged him, unless subpoenaed in court or review by state regulatory authority.

  • A certified appraiser is bound by ethics standards to render opinions of value that are unbiased based on examining the market and finding comparable properties and making adjustments in differences to your house referred to as the subject.
  • A certified appraiser is the top residential license level and is obtained after extensive coursework and 2500 logged hours of field work. In addition the certified appraiser must pass a national test and keep updated with yearly continuing education.
  • A certified appraiser is licensed to appraise any residential property.

The second step is to decide on what type of appraisal is required. There are three types of appraisals. They vary based on depth on which information is gathered and fees are adjusted accordingly.

The first type is known as full appraisal; this is a summary appraisal and is the most common. With the full appraisal the appraiser comes out to your house (also referred to as the subject) measures exterior and walks through the inside to note features and attributes. The appraiser then does research for comparable properties nearby, then takes pictures of the comparables and observes them from the street. Finally the appraiser gathers this information and puts it together in a report and submits it to the party who engaged him.

The second type of appraisal is referred to as a “Drive By” or Exterior appraisal. Essentially the appraiser performs the same research as the full appraisal. The appraiser determines square footage of the subject from reliable data sources. The appraiser will photograph the exterior of the subject and comparables. The appraiser will interview the client to determine features and attributes of the subject. After these steps are complete, the appraiser will compile the information in a report and submit it to the client.

The third type of appraisal is referred to as a “Desktop Appraisal”. This appraisal is also a restricted use appraisal like the “Drive By” except the appraiser does not visit the subject or the comparables, but basis his opinion of value on interview with the owner and research from reliable data sources.

I have briefly described the types of appraisal to value your marital home. Hopefully I have enlightened you and expanded your knowledge in this area to help you make an informed decision at a time when you whole world is changing. The full appraisal is a complete summary appraisal and is the most thorough appraisal product. There may be various reasons you choose one of the restricted use products, for example budgetary, unable to gain access to the subject property, or some other reason. You still have the option to engage an appraisal professional to value your largest asset in unbiased matter.

Michael Congemi is the principal of Appraisal Workx, LLC and a certified residential appraiser licensed in Georgia and Missouri. His firm covers Atlanta, GA metro area and the St. Louis, Mo metro area. Michael is also an Associate member of the Appraisal Institute.and can be reached at www.appraisalworkx.com, or by phone at 770-331-8066.



Filed Under: Blog, Real Estate Tagged With: , , , , , , ,

For Arnold and Maria and other divorcing couples – How to do divorce right

May 17, 2011 By Leave a Comment



I just read a great article on huffingtonpost.com by mediator, Belinda Etezad Rachman, “Arnold and Maria’s next step.”  You can find it here.  This article talks about the challenges that Arnold Schwarzenegger and Maria Shriver are going to face in their divorce and how mediation might be a better option for them.  It’s ironic that I saw this post tonight after having a conversation with Joanne Donner, a fabulous mediator and fellow Board member at www.VisionsAnew.org this evening about this exact same subject – Why for some couples it can make perfect sense to use alternative resolution methods like mediation when getting divorced.

There are absolutely better ways to divorce, and mediation / financial mediation are among the top options for people who want to do divorce differently.  Whether it’s a high profile, high asset divorce situation or a typical, middle-class couple, many people are tired of the knock-down, duke-it-out dogma of divorce.  I am happy to be seeing a paradigm shift happening among the couples I work with as a Certified Divorce Financial Analyst to more peaceful and civilized divorces. It’s about time.

Understanding your options BEFORE getting divorced can go a long way to save your money, your sanity, and what’s left of the fabric of your family, in the process.  What path will you choose when getting divorced?  If you are already divorced, what path did you take and would you do it the same way if you had it to do all over again?



Filed Under: alternative dispute methods, CDFA, challenges, Divorce Settlement, mediation Tagged With: , , , , , , , ,

Mothers and Others on “Mothering”

May 9, 2011 By Leave a Comment



I had a lovely Mother’s Day toiling about in my backyard. Clearing brush and cleaning up the aftermath of a rough winter by metro Atlanta standards may not sound like fun to some, but I loved every minute of it. Since this is a rare treat for me, I probably enjoyed it so much because I don’t have to do this kind of back breaking work all the time.

As I worked I listened to the neighbor children playing make believe games. It reminded me that this was the first Mother’s Day I’ve ever had where all of my children were gone for the day. My youngest, Hayley, just got her first job and was working today, along with her sisters.

As I raked leaves I thought about “mothering” and what really makes someone a mother. I don’t believe mothering only comes from giving birth, but rather it is a state of being when one person shows kindness toward and concern for another.

I’ve mothered many children that weren’t my own over the years, usually teenagers who needed extra mothering to get through those difficult teen times. I was happy that I was there when they really needed it. Mothering in this sense can be temporary and short, but can make such a difference in the path that someone’s life takes.

So for this Mother’s Day, I would like to thank mothers and others who have loved, nurtured, and cared for someone or something in their lifetime.

Mothers who bring children into this world and give them all the love a child needs,

Mothers who foster children who need more than their real mother can give,

Mothers who love and want more for their child so they give them up to another,

Mothers who choose to adopt and raise the child of another mother,

Mothers who bravely raise kids on their own when there is no one else to turn to,

Mothers who simply nurture those who need some extra mothering,

Mothers who mother those who have no other mother.

Fortunately for me my girls, Michelle, Brittany, and Hayley, were able to get home or come by after work. Then they made me alovely dinner with Dad’s help (and cleaned it up too!). I enjoyed every minute of just being a mother and…not doing dinner!

I hope you had a lovely Mother’s Day wherever or whoever you spent it with.



Filed Under: Blog, Children

Guidelines for Divorced Parents in Getting College Financial Aid

April 13, 2011 By Leave a Comment



A big thanks to Amy Kelly over at www.ParenteSource.com for asking me to contribute a guest blog post about Guidelines for a Divorced Parent in Getting Financial Aid.

I dug deep into my private teleseminar library to pull out snippets from a past teleHow does divorce affect college financial aid?seminar interview I did with Kevin Worthley, a CFP and fellow CDFA from Rhode Island, who has a lot of specialized knowledge on these matters. Click here to read the a condensed snippets from my interview with Kevin that shed some light on this very complex matter.

I hope my readers find the information helpful as well!



Filed Under: Blog

Divorce Money Matters Evolution – New Site, New Look, New Offers…oh my!

March 31, 2011 By Leave a Comment



It has begun…the shift to becoming more of who I really am.  The first steps in my personal evolution are changing the look and feel of my website to be a more authentic reflection of the true me.  It’s taken months of planning and revisions (thank you to my wonderful and patient team members!) and I am so happy to say, it’s finally done!

And even more exciting are the new FREE gifts I have created for you, my wonderful readers.  So many of you have reached out to me over time and asked for help with issues you are struggling with – pre-divorce questions, mid-divorce concerns and after-divorce guidance.  Thank you for your trust in me.

I’ve been listening and working on many new offerings to help guide you before, during and after your divorce – starting with my new FREE Fast 5 Divorce Prep and Planning Kit! Know that this is just the beginning of so much more to come.  I’ll be sharing LOTS more information over the coming weeks…so check back often, or better yet, add my site to your RSS feed so you get automatic updates!

I’d love to know what you think about all the exciting happenings going on around here so please leave a comment below if you care to share!  Speaking of sharing please be a friend and let someone who may be in need know about all the free resources here…they’ll thank you for it!

~ Lisa ~



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Child Support Obligations – Is Prison the Answer?

January 26, 2011 By Leave a Comment



This article in the Atlanta Journal Constitution

http://www.ajc.com/news/deadbeat-parents-caught-in-813825.html?sms_ss=email&at_xt=4d3d7e46858077fd%2C0

reminds us that there are no easy answers to the issue of child support compliance.  This is a very difficult issue, especially in these economically challenged times. I have clients on both sides of this equation.  How can people be forced to pay if they have no means? How can they find a job if they are in jail? How can their children survive without their parents financial obligations being met? I would love to know your thoughts and experiences with this issue.  Feel free to share your comments below.

 

 



Filed Under: Blog, Child Support Tagged With: , ,

Who’s to Blame for Educations Problems?

January 21, 2011 By Leave a Comment



I recently weighed in on this facebook topic of conversation – The Blame Game (Teachers vs. the No Child Left Behind Law). http://www.facebook.com/topic.php?uid=184926375482&topic=17145. 

For 5 years of my life I was a guest speaker in many high school classrooms.  I taught a breast cancer prevention program to over 20,000 people (my mother and I are both survivors).  During that time I had the opportunity to speak with many teachers about the challenges they face in their classrooms on a daily basis.  I heard many stories about kids who come to school every day tired, hungry, and disruptive because of difficult situations at home.  The worsening economic conditions have made things much more difficult for many families, especially for the children among them.  Teachers walk a very fine of trying to take care of every child’s varied needs, dealing with the extremes from no parent involvement to helicopter parents, and pressure from administrators who are feeling the heat to meet test scores as well.   Being a teacher is not an easy job by any mean, and as a vocation is certainly not compensated well enough for the amount of work that teachers do.  That being said, I believe as some of the others posted here, that anyone who is not properly doing their job should not be allowed to keep it.  Especially when what’s at stake are our children’s futures.  Maybe tenures time to go has come.  As for the total emphasis on one test, I think it can be a difficult decision.  How can we track progress if we do not measure it?  What other means could be instituted as alternatives for those who have learned the materials, but are simply not good at taking tests?  And while the goal of having 100% of the students pass the test is praiseworthy, it is simply not attainable.  How can students and teachers be held to such unrealistic standards of perfection? 

 

I am a parent of 3 nearly grown and out of the house daughters who have all attended gifted programs throughout their public school years.  I understand how the brightest children’s’ needs can sometimes be lost among the masses.    It seems that this is all a delicate balancing act.  How can we take care of the needs of all children, the teachers who serve them, the parents who love them and those who can’t cope?  All while dealing with budget cuts to further compound the problem?  We all know that there are no easy answers to the difficulties that we face as a society.  I think parents, students, teachers, administrators, as well as union, business and governmental leaders, could be well served to sit round the table together in mastermind groups and brainstorm creative ideas to the ills that we face.  More public-private partnerships should be used to fill in the gaps. Putting aside all politics and special interests and looking at what is in the best interests of children overall will provide the best that we can give.

 

I’ll further add that among all of those classrooms there were "Life Skills" being taught.  Important lessons for the real world.  We need more classes like this with emphasis on basic financial matters.  So few people graduate high school with a basic understandings of how money works so they can make informed choices in life.  Most of us learned about money from our parents who also were never formally taught. This step of teaching basic financial principals will help to lessen the woes that so many face because we will prevent many problems before they happen.

 

What are your thoughts and experiences with this issue?  I’d love to read your comments and suggestions below.



Filed Under: challenges Tagged With: , ,

Don’t Drown in Divorce Debt

October 19, 2010 By Leave a Comment



I found this post online where I had been interviewed by reporter Dawn Allcot for this article on Perk Street Financials website.  http://blog.perkstreet.com/dont-drown-in-divorce-debt/  Still very applicable and great information!

Posted by Dawn Allcot on July 27, 2010 in Family, Home, Personal Finance

Yesterday’s post was about the big financial changes couples face before marriage. But if that marriage ends in divorce, it carries a whole new set of financial implications. Guest blogger Dawn Allcot is a full-time freelance writer and editor who frequently covers personal finance and credit topics. She believes these tips are smart money advice for anyone – whether they are single, divorced, or happily married.

Divorce can be emotionally – and financially – harrowing. When you’re in the midst of one, it can seem like everything is spiraling out of control, often at the expense of your heart and your wallet. According to experts, it is possible to take control of your finances, which will play a big role as you build a new life.

1. Guard your budget like you’re guarding your heart.
Although it’s not in your best interests to keep your heart guarded forever, keeping your budget on lock-down is advisable, says Lisa C. Decker, a certified divorce financial analyst who has counseled hundreds of divorcees in and around the Metro Atlanta area, as well as around the country by phone. In addition to those divorce expenses, you are probably facing a whole new set of bills, which is why maintaining a strict budget is more important than ever if you want to take control of your finances. “If you see you’re going to be short at the end of the month, anticipate and look for solutions,” Decker suggests, including getting vocal about your situation. Some credit card companies allow you to temporarily stop payments during major life events, which can include divorce.

2. Make new plans for the future.
If you received a settlement from the divorce, seek advice to find the best investment options to improve your finances. Do you need monthly interest dividends that will help with budget, or do you need stable, long-term investments that will enable you to save for retirement? “Working with a quality financial planner to maximize and potentially protect your settlement can bring much-needed peace of mind after riding the emotional roller coaster of divorce,” Decker says.

3. Avoid “Til debt do you part.”
Now is not the time to say, “I don’t care what he/she does anymore.” Rather, to take control of finances, stay on top of the paperwork and make sure all joint accounts are severed, including bank accounts, retirement accounts, and credit cards. “If you’re still attached by joint debts, make sure you get duplicate copies of the statement, otherwise your credit will be ruined if your ex can’t or won’t pay,” Decker says.

4. Move on!
After the divorce is finalized, you can and should establish a new bank account in your own name. Many adapt a whole new way of thinking when it comes to life after divorce, including how they manage their money. Meet with a financial advisor to assess your current situation and help with budget, and consider switching banks – many online banks offer a convenient, free way to manage your money.

Breathe a sigh of relief in knowing this will all soon be behind you. With the right planning and mindset, you can be richer in every way.



Filed Under: Blog
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