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The Top 7 Things You Should Know in How to Begin a Divorce

December 12, 2011 By Leave a Comment



Getting a Divorce: 7 Things You Should Know

Top 7 things you should know before you begin

a divorce

This time of year I hear from a lot of folks who are thinking about how to begin a divorce and want to get started in the process after the holidays have passed.  Here’s some ideas for you to consider.

  1. Don’t make decisions based on emotions. This is a critical mistake I see lots of folks make when they begin a divorce.  They want the pain to go away and they make decisions based on emotions, not facts.  Get someone who can be your voice of reason to guide you through this difficult, emotionally-laden time.
  2. Start out by learning your options. It’s been said that how you start your divorce is likely how it will end.  Do you envision an amicable resolution or will your divorce head down duke it out drive?  Do you understand how you may be able to steer your divorce in one direction or another?  The closer you get to a full blown litigated divorce the more money you will spend.
  3. Plan ahead to have money to fund your divorce. When you begin a divorce you will need money to hire your legal, financial, and other potential experts.  If you are a non-working spouse, you may not have access to money to get started.  Here are a few suggestions that can help move you forward.  Apply for credit in your name only.  You may find that you can’t qualify for credit after the divorce until you are working and established, so this is a good place to start anyway.  If you don’t have access to family funds another option could be to purchase money cards every time you buy groceries for instance, setting aside $25 here and $50 there can add up over time.
  4. Know what documents you need to gather and how to assemble them so you save money when you begin a divorce. Gathering and making copies (or scanning to a flash drive) of every financial document you can find is crucial in this process.  When a divorce become imminent, sometimes documents have a way of disappearing.  It can be extremely costly for your attorney to subpoena records or to pay a private investigator or forensic accountant to trace funds.   The time to gather is now, in the calm time before the storm begins.
  5. Assemble an effective team. You need legal advice for sure, but many people don’t consider the other specialists who should be involved.  A divorce financial expert and a therapist or coach, are two other must haves on this journey.  There may be others depending on your particular needs as well.
  6. Be a proactive partner of your divorce team, not a passive participant. This is the business of your life happening here.  Understand what’s being done, what comes next, why things are being recommended, what’s being asked of you and most of all, what you are agreeing to BEFORE you sign on the dotted line.
  7. Don’t wait too long to seek help. This is the saddest mistake of all.  So many people call me at the 11th hour to get advice when mistakes have already been made or they are just out of time.  Don’t make this critical error.  Protect your financial future!

Get educated and get involved to get your divorce done right…the first time around!

Wishing you a peaceful resolution,

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Filed Under: Divorce Settlement Tagged With: , , , , ,

What to Do with the 529 College Savings Accounts in Divorce?

December 7, 2011 By Leave a Comment



529 College Savings Account

Thank you to my fellow CDFA, Kevin Worthley, from the Retirement Planning Company of New England, for this informative guest blog post below on 529 College Savings Accounts and some smart tips on dealing with them in divorce.  You can reach Kevin directly at Kevin(a)RetirementPlanningCo.com

What to Do with the 529 College Savings

Accounts in Divorce?

By Kevin Worthley, CFP, CDFA

With the emotional difficulty and new household arrangements, asset division is a major part of the divorce process and that can include a 529 College Savings Account.  The family house, other real estate, the family business and retirement/money accounts are all common assets that come into the settlement discussion or negotiations.

The so-called “Section 529” College Savings Account, similar in some ways to old ‘custodial trust’ accounts, is somewhat unusual in that only one person may be the owner or “Participant” of an account, (the child is usually the “beneficiary”).  The Participant retains full control and discretion over the account, its investments and, importantly in the case of divorce, technical ownership and the disposition of the money.

529 College Savings Account and Taxes

The implications of this are very important to the divorce settlement discussion.  First, whoever is the Participant legally owns the 529 College Savings Account, even though the contributions made to the account by gift, (including those by relatives, friends, etc) were intended for the beneficiary’s (student’s) college education.  Second, the Participant may empty the account and use the money for purposes other than the intended student’s college expenses, should the Participant so choose.  (Unlike custodial accounts, 529 College Savings Account do not become the property of the beneficiary at their age of majority (18 or 21)). Of course, there are IRS-imposed penalties and taxes for using the money for non-college reasons (10% penalty and Federal/State income taxes owed by the Participant on the appreciation (only) of the withdrawn money), but that aside, the Participant can do whatever he/she wishes with the account, including changing the beneficiary to another person.  The beneficiary, the contributors and even the Successor Participant have no say in the matter.

With these powers over the account and considering most 529 College Savings Account were created during the marriage (and therefore are usually considered marital assets) and are generally for the benefit of the children of the marriage, how the 529 account(s) are handled during the divorce settlement process can be tricky.  Depending upon whether the divorce is contentious or if there is a lack of trust between the parents, safeguards may need to be imposed on these accounts post-divorce to ensure the 529 account money goes toward the intended purpose; college expenses for the children.

How to Resolve the underlying issues of the 529 College Savings Account in Divorce?

To resolve this potential issue, parents (and their financial advisors or attorneys) should know that 529 College Savings Account can be split and divided between divorcing parents, where each parent would become the Participant of their respective account, and the one child-student can be the beneficiary of both accounts.  This is not considered a non-qualified ‘taxable event’ (will not incur taxes or penalties), since no actual distribution of account assets took place.  The change in “ownership” is similar to a change in named beneficiary.    Even though the account assets are actually intended for the child, splitting the 529 accounts in this manner may help with settlement negotiations.

Other divorce safe-guards that may be used to ensure the college money actually goes toward college expenses:

  1. The divorce decree could stipulate the non-Participant parent of each account be named as the Successor Participant.  Therefore, if the Participant-parent dies unexpectedly, the Successor-Participant parent immediately assumes ownership and control of the account rather than another non-parent person.
  2. Most investment account custodians have authorization forms that allow an “interested third-party” to receive regular statements and all notifications of changes to investments, sales, purchases and distributions from the account.  The divorce decree could stipulate that Participant parent of the 529 account agree to approve such authorization for the non-Participant parent.  This way, the parent who is not the owner of the account is still fully aware of all account activity, especially of non-qualified withdrawals or ‘draining the account’.  This is not an iron-clad prevention of such an event, but at least the non-Participant parent would know soon after that a withdrawal had occurred and can take steps to prevent further withdrawals or other action to recover the money for their child.
  3. The divorce decree might further stipulate agreement on the part of both parents that the 529 money be used solely for college costs.  Again, this may not actually prevent abuse of the account by the Participant-parent, but there may be a legal basis and liability for that parent to come up with the money needed for college that was taken improperly from the 529 account.

All of these points contain legal aspects, by the way, so be sure to consult qualified legal professionals as to how the laws in your state apply to these suggestions.  If you’re not sure how your college accounts should be handled in divorce, consult with a knowledgeable professional for your particular situation.

Kevin Worthley is a Certified Financial Planner® practitioner, a Certified Divorce Financial Analyst™ and an investment advisor representative of the Retirement Planning Company of New England, a Registered Investment Advisor, 1287 Post Road, Warwick, RI 02888.  He is also a registered representative of, with securities offered thru, Ridgeway and Conger, Inc.  Member FINRA/SIPC.  Office of supervisory control: 2123 Main St. New Woodstock, NY 13122, 315-662-7450.  RPC and Ridgeway & Conger are not affiliated.  Contact Kevin with questions at (800) 585-8696.  529 College Savings Account

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Filed Under: Blog, CDFA, Children, College Planning, Dividing assets, Divorce Settlement, Parenting Tagged With: , , , , ,

Don’t Miss a Step: Take Time to Celebrate!

December 6, 2011 By Leave a Comment



Going through a Divorce: CelebrateDivorce:  Time to Celebrate?

Life is full of changes, and divorce is definitely a big change.  The path of a goal, whether a goal set for your personal life or in the course of business, is generally seen as having four steps: 1) assess the situation 2) set goals for how you want it to be 3) take steps to achieve the goals and 4) achieve the goals (completion).

After Step 4, many people return to Step 1 with the question: “OK, what’s next?” And then it’s on to Step 2 and 3 and 4 again.

Hold on. Stop right there.

There is actually a very important fifth step that many of us leave out. Step 5 is where we celebrate our achievements!

Emotionally surviving your divorce is an achievement.

After working hard to reach our goals, taking time to celebrate gives us the opportunity to:

  • Capture the learning. When we take stock of what we’ve learned along the way to our goals, we can consciously incorporate those lessons in the future.
  • Acknowledge our internal resources. In achieving goals, we bring forth various internal resources, such as courage and persistence, to meet the challenges. To have others acknowledge us—and to give ourselves credit, as well—is deeply satisfying. Too often, we miss seeing these qualities in ourselves and others. Acknowledging our strengths has the power to call us forth to use them even more.
  • Build a sense of unity. Nothing can bond people more than striving toward a common goal and then sharing in the joy of the achievement. However, if you don’t stop to appreciate the people who helped make it happen, connection and goodwill can break down. Your team will feel more inclined to go the extra mile if you give them the appreciation they deserve.
  • Send a message to the Universe. Stopping to savor and celebrate your successes sends the message out into the Universe that you know how to appreciate this success and that you are ready for more!
  • Have fun! Knowing that you get to celebrate in a fun way after your goal is achieved is a great motivator. You’ve done a fantastic job—of course you want to be rewarded with some fun and enjoyment. You deserve it!

There are countless ways to celebrate and savor your successes. Whatever brings you a sense of joyous completion is the ticket. Be as creative as you can!

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Cultivating a Family Attitude of Gratitude

November 21, 2011 By Leave a Comment



When you’re going through a divorce, it’s difficult to focus on gratitude.

learning gratitudeEvery evening before digging in to dinner, members of the Shilonoff family take turns listing something they received that day, a self-acknowledgment for something that might have been difficult or a stretch, and something for which they are grateful.

A typical response from the children (ages 10, 9 and 6): “I got a compliment from one of my classmates. I finished my piano practice before school. And I’m glad we have a dog and cat.”

Though full of the everydayness of life, their responses show that the children—and the whole family—are developing a profound practice of gratitude.

The words thanks, gratitude and giving derive from the word grace and refer to meaningful, authentic ways to acknowledge the grace in our lives. Too often, however, we are trained to notice what is broken, undone or lacking in our lives.

Gratitude is a perception, a way of looking at things, and an attitude of gratitude is a cornerstone of long-term mental and physical health. It balances us and gives us hope.  It helps us focus on what blessings we do have, an especially useful tool during trying life challenges.

Numerous long-term studies suggest that a positive, appreciative attitude contributes to greater success in work, greater health, peak performance in sports and business, a higher sense of well-being and a faster rate of recovery from surgery.

But for gratitude to meet its full healing potential in our lives and the lives of our children, it needs to become more than just a Thanksgiving word. When we practice giving thanks verbally for all we have instead of complaining about what we lack, we give our children—and ourselves—the chance to see all of life as an opportunity and a blessing.

There are many things to be grateful for: autumn leaves, legs that work, friends who listen and really hear, chocolate, cars that work (usually), warm jackets, jump ropes, garage sales, the ability to read, swings, rain boots, being alive, butterflies. The list is truly endless. To cultivate gratitude, we begin by noticing the concrete ways in which the world supports us each day.

This may mean overcoming the three main obstacles to gratitude: self-preoccupation, expectation, and entitlement. Self-preoccupation leads us to focus our attention on our problems, difficulties, aches and pains. Similarly, it’s only when our expectation isn’t met that we notice, such as when a light bulb goes out. And when we think we’re entitled to something, we won’t consider it a gift.

Some ideas for helping the whole family learn the attitude of gratitude:

  • Keep a family gratitude journal or “Gratitude Attitude Calendar.” Younger members can write one-word answers.
  • Make a gratitude collage by drawing or pasting pictures.
  • Practice gratitude around the dinner table or make it part of the bedtime routine.
  • Make it a game to find the hidden blessing in any situation, especially challenging ones.  I call this “Finding the gifts within.”
  • Let each child have his or her own day on which the rest of the family tells why they are grateful for his/her life.
  • Assign a gratitude list to counteract a litany of complaints.

Bit by bit, an inner shift begins to occur, and we may be delighted to discover how content and hopeful we are feeling. This sense of fulfillment is gratitude at work.  An attitude of gratitude can help us overcome life’s biggest challenges in the best way possible.

gratitudeGratitude



Filed Under: challenges, Communication, Love, Parenting Tagged With: , , , , ,

Letting Go: Great Idea. How Do I Do It?

November 16, 2011 By Leave a Comment



Let it Go = Forgiveness

forgivenessYou know you should let it all go, and you try, but there it is—that same old stuff still getting rent-free space in your head.

Hot shot kid in a too-fast car cut you off this morning; it’s noon and you’re still seething?

Clerk at the grocery store wouldn’t let you in his express line because the guy behind you ratted on your 11th item?

Husband had an affair 15 years ago and even though you’ve been divorced for seven, your stomach still knots up when you think about it?

You moved to a new city for a great career opportunity but long so much for your old home and your old friends that you can’t find anything to like about the new place?

Your son stays home to care for the kids while your daughter-in-law works at her law practice and this just doesn’t seem right to you?

Just exactly how does one let go, so that the residue of the past is put away, forgotten, or transformed into memories that can be called upon at will, rather than those that show up like telephone solicitors at dinnertime and demand attention?

Forgiveness has to do with living in the present moment rather than the past. It happens when the past isn’t projected into the future, but is left behind where it belongs. It is about making amends when called for, taking care of that which needs attending to, forgiving rather than re-living.

Forgiveness: Steps to Try

  • Try this: next time a thought about something that happened in the past floats into your mind, let it pass through without jumping aboard and going along for the ride. If you focus on it, like a weed that gets watered it will grow. Try acknowledging the thought, then, with a deep breath, letting it go.
  • If the thought that comes along is about something that’s left undone, you may need to take some action before you can let go. Do you need to make amends to someone, clear up some misunderstanding, write a letter or make a phone call? Perhaps you need to make a list of the actions needed to clear a situation, and set some goals. Begin with a small, manageable step, but, whatever you must do, begin. Taking action sometimes precedes forgiveness.
  • Stay in the now and appreciate the circumstances of your life. Make a gratitude list of what you like about wherever you are, not just your living arrangements, but other parts of your life, too.  Get rid of what is no longer appropriate in your life, and create more space for new parts of yourself to show up.
  • Write letters that you may or may not send to people you need to release.  (Caution: always wait a few days and check with someone you trust if you have any doubts about the appropriateness of actually sending a letter.) Write unsent letters to situations from your past or to people, even those who have passed away. Write what you feel, say what you need, and say goodbye.
  • Let go by putting away pictures, memorabilia, clothes, gifts and anything else that keeps you actively connected with someone who’s no longer with you and whose presence you keep alive when it would be more beneficial to move on.
  • Make a ceremony of forgiveness. Burn old letters or journals. Dig a hole in the earth and bury what needs to be buried. Write a letter or vow for the occasion, read it aloud. Light candles, sing songs. And weep, if need be. Include others in your ceremony to witness or assist you.
  • Let go of old ideas. People, lifestyles and cultures change. Talk to others, get other perspectives. Focus on what’s good about change, find the ways it benefits you and others. Holding on to how it used to be keeps you from participating in the present.
  • Release thoughts and words that categorize people, that measure or evaluate or that judge or condemn or hold others with expectations. Eliminate words like should, ought, can’t, if only, however and impossible.

Forgiveness and Letting Go Sets Us Free

Gerald Jampolsky, M.D., author of Love is Letting Go of Fear, wrote, “When we cherish or hold onto grievances, we cannot let go. We become imprisoned.”  Perhaps the highest level of letting go is to practice forgiveness.

forgivenessForgiveness



Filed Under: challenges, Divorce Recovery, Love Tagged With: , , ,

Getting Divorced: What You MUST Know Before You Sign a Quit Claim

November 4, 2011 By Leave a Comment



Getting Divorced?

Before You Sign a Quit Claim Be Aware of the Risks

Risks in a Quit ClaimIf you are getting divorced, you should be aware of some potential complications when it comes to your home’s mortgage.  Divorce settlements may spell out who gets to stay in the home and who is obligated to pay the mortgage, but this does necessarily settle the score. So beware.  By educating yourself about potential pitfalls sometimes faced when getting divorced, you may avoid financial ruin down the road.

If your name is still on a mortgage, divorce does not relieve you of the obligation if your ex defaults, no matter what divorce decree states.

Divorce courts do not have the power to relieve your liability to lenders or mortgage companies. Often, the “out spouse” is advised to quit claim the deed on the house to the “in spouse” as part of a settlement agreement.  Doing so only removes your name from the title, not the mortgage.  Divorce court documents may give you a false sense of security, but unless the property has been refinanced into the name of the “in spouse” only, this situation can be very dangerous indeed.

Signing a quit claim serves to give up ownership rights, but not liability on the mortgage.

This can lead to big problems, because essentially you still owe on a home that you now no longer own. This issue is crucial for both parties to understand in divorce. Consequences may be severe.  You risk significant drops in your credit score if the “in spouse” gets behind on the payments or foreclosed on the mortgage – up to several hundred point drops.  And in the best case scenario, where your ex manages to keep up with the payments, your ability to purchase a new home can still be hampered because this mortgage still shows as a liability to you.  This means you might not qualify for a new home or you may have to settle for less of a home than you desire.

When getting divorced make sure you divorce your joint debts when you divorce your spouse!

Ideally it’s best to divorce all joint debts before or at the time of final settlement.  If that isn’t possible because maybe you can’t qualify to refinance at the present time, at least be sure  your  attorney includes an indemnity clause that allows you to have recourse against your spouse if he/she doesn’t live up to their obligations under the terms of your settlement agreement.    When getting divorced you should understand that the mortgage can leave you financially vulnerable over time.

Getting divorced can have a lasting impact on your financial well-being, so always be sure to get advice and support from a knowledgeable financial professional BEFORE you sign on the dotted line.

getting divorcedgetting divorced



Filed Under: Dividing assets, Divorce Settlement, Mortgages Tagged With: , , , , ,

Getting divorced: How to Split Your Marital Assets When Splitting Up



October 25, 2011 By Leave a Comment



Getting Divorced

Getting DivorcedWhen getting divorced, divvying up marital assets and debts can be complicated.  How you and your spouse will divide your marital assets may depend on a wide array of legal and financial factors.  Laws vary vastly from state to state. And within each state, your particular situation may be subject to many different applications of case law.  

Because the outcome of your divorce will most likely be final, it’s vitally important that you understand as much as possible to achieve results you can live with for a lifetime.  A specially trained financial professional, such as a Certified Divorce Financial Analyst (CDFA), can help you navigate the process.

  Before your case reaches the courts, your CDFA can help you attempt to reach an agreement with your spouse concerning who will get which marital assets.  Otherwise, assets will be divided strictly according to the court’s guidelines.

Getting Divorced – Separating Assets

You should know in advance that separate assets (those things you owned prior to the marriage) are generally considered apart from marital property (those things acquired while married).  However, the value that those separate assets have grown during the marriage may be considered marital property in some states and may be divided accordingly.

Getting Divorced – Marital versus Separate Property

Additionally, individual case laws (even within the same state) look at the marital versus separate property in completely different ways and divide them differently as well. The division of assets can have an entirely different outcome depending on which case law is applied.

Getting Divorced – Decisions

Keep in mind, divvying up assets and debts can be an emotional and complicated aspect of getting divorced.  Decisions you make during the process of getting divorced typically cannot be reversed, so it is of critical importance that you educate yourself about the complex course ahead and hire the most qualified trained professionals to assist you.

getting divorced

Getting Divorced



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Great Giveaways Event for Parents, Caregivers and Kids of Divorce

October 20, 2011 By Leave a Comment



I’m touching base with a quick update on what’s happening with the “Great Giveaways Event for Parents, Caregivers and Kids of Divorce!”

Our Giveaway Event is just about ready to launch and we can’t wait to share all the great gifts we’ve got waiting for you! We’ve got over 15 fabulous experts giving away over $20,000 in free gifts! You can glimpse a peak at all the contributors we’ve added at the bottom of this page Great Giveaways Event!

Here’s a few of our Great Givers:

  • Dr. Deborah Hecker, www.drdeborahhecker.com, is giving away unlimited downloads of her article – Divorce and Your Emotional Needs:  What You Should Know to Survive Your Divorce. This information will help you answer questions like, “Now what,” and “Who am I without my partner?” and will give you useful insights into the psychology of separation and how to begin helping yourself to survive the journey.”  In addition, she is drawing winners for 10 mini and 2 full 50 minute consults!  Total value more than $1,400.00!
  • Jennifer J. Moheyer, “The Heart-Centered Lawyer,” is giving away something very special – EMERGENCY legal documents that EVERY divorcing parent NEEDS!  Everyone can get a $200 Emergency Guardianship document FOR FREE!! You should know that as a parent, if you are ever injured, on travel, arrested or “CUSTODIALLY UNAVAILABLE”, the law often demands your children wait in protective custody, UNLESS they have this $200.00 legal document in-hand when the authorities arrive!  Total value for peace of mind – Priceless!   PLUS: 10 winners will get 3 FREE months in the “Live Coaching Support Group” at www.DivorceSupport.org.    Total value more than $1,447.00!
  • ShaRon Rea, Certified Parent Coach and Mentor at www.thewholefamily.biz is contributing unlimited copies of her Parent Guide – “A Child’s Reaction to Divorce.  Why is my child acting this way and what can I do to help them?” This MUST HAVE guide is for children of divorce in every age and stage of development.  In addition, ShaRon will have a drawing for (3) Personal mentoring sessions and creation of your own personal Declaration for a Bright Future for 3 lucky people!   Over $1,000.00 in value!

There’s still time to join in the Giveaways Event as a Contributor, Sponsor, or Promotional Partner. If you would like more information please contact our team at Support@DivorceMoneyMatters.com.

My team is working on putting all the final processes in place and we should be ready very soon to open up the gates to the Giveaways!

Until then…

Wishing you generosity and abundance,



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How to Get a Divorce: 5 Options For Getting Divorced You Might Not Have Considered



October 12, 2011 By 1 Comment



how to get a divorceWhen faced with getting divorced, many people realize they actually do not know how to get a divorce.

You might be wondering who you should contact and what steps to take.  Not knowing your available options can lead to costly mistakes and unnecessary complications. Sound professional advice will save you from emotional and financial distress.  Before you get a divorce, one of the first things you will need to consider is which approach best fits your situation.

How To Get a Divorce: 5 Approaches

Divorce Mediation

If you choose mediation when getting divorced, you will work with a trained divorce mediator.  This person acts as an impartial, non-confrontational figure between the spouses who does not offer an opinion on how a case should be resolved.  The divorce mediator helps facilitate the process of working out the terms of the divorce,  fostering attention to each party’s needs, and brainstorming ideas so couples can craft their own agreement.

Divorce Arbitration

Arbitration is similar to mediation in that there is one neutral party – the arbitrator, who is often an attorney or former judge.  Arbitration differs vastly from mediation in that the arbitrator acts more like a judge and has power to compel the spouses to abide by the arbitrator’s decisions.

Collaborative Divorce

You might also get a divorce using a team approach, engaging a combination of trained professionals. In a collaborative divorce, you may have two collaboratively trained attorneys – each representing one spouse, trained coaches to help the participants overcome the emotional part of the process, and a financial neutral to help guide the parties to their own agreement on the financial aspects of the settlement.  Parents getting divorced might also include a child specialist to look out for the children’s best interests.

Cooperative Divorce

A collaborative divorce is a hybrid between collaborative and a traditionally litigated divorce. Cooperative divorce parties agree to be “cooperative,” meaning they are forthcoming with requested information and act civilized toward each other.  However, they do not give up their rights to litigate their case if need be.

Traditional Litigation

Litigation is the traditional approach to getting divorced.  In traditional litigation, both spouses hire attorneys to advise, represent, and advocate for their interests in negotiations and in court.  If you need to fight fire with fire – and in some cases you will – you will need an aggressive family law attorney on your side in court.  A good attorney can work a great settlement, but only if you have real assets to split or a spouse who can legitimately afford to pay you alimony.

Just remember, when getting divorced, it is imperative that you independently arm yourself with knowledge.  The most important tip for how to get a divorce is finding trained legal and financial professionals can help you navigate the course to avoid common pitfalls and costly mistakes.

And now I would like to invite you to claim your FREE “Save Your Money, Save Your Sanity™” Fast 5 Divorce Prep and Planning Kit showing you how to keep more money in your pocket and more sanity in your life when you visit www.SaveMoneyInDivorce.com.

From Lisa C. Decker – Certified Divorce Financial Analyst (CDFA) – “Divorce Your Spouse, Not Your Money™”



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Back to School Tips for Co-Parents

August 18, 2011 By Leave a Comment



back to school tips for the co-parent

Are you struggling with life as aco-parent?

Thought you might like these helpful tips from my affiliate partners at Our Family Wizard.

The new school year is quickly approaching and its time to start preparing. If you’re divorced, and you and your co-parentboth take part in the upbringing of your child,  this can be a challenging task. Preparing your child for a new school year requires a lot of coordination and cooperation between you and your co-parent. This is an important time for your child to feel support from both you and your co-parent and to know that you both care. Here are some tips to remember to make going back to school as smooth as possible for you and your child.

5 Tips for theCo-Parent:

Keep everyone on the same page

Some co-parents have implemented the use of weekly or monthly family meetings to keep everyone updated on what’s going on in everyone’s lives. This is a good way for children to get to talk to both you and yourco-parentin the same room but it is more useful to keep both you and yourco-parentupdated on your child’s life.

Simple responsibilities, such as remembering to bring your son’s soccer cleats for his after school game, can become a daunting task if communication with the other parent is poor. Communication hurdles can be difficult to overcome for parents with a good relationship, and separated co-parenting can become an even more challenging environment.

For family law professionals, the OurFamilyWizard website can provide an in-depth look into the parents’ communications. This newly found accountability is giving parents a reason to get along with the other parent, because action and inaction are both documented. The end result is parents who communicate, children who are kept out of the middle and professionals who can spend their time more effectively helping the clients they serve.

Shopping is a job for both co-parents

It is extremely important to coordinate the back to school shopping with yourco-parent. This is a big job and should not all be dumped on either oneco-parent. Back to school shopping includes shopping for school supplies as well as clothes. If you and yourco-parentare in a high conflict relationship try to remember to not sweat the small stuff. If you don’t agree on yourco-parent’s choice of clothing or school supplies try to compromise as best you can.

Don’t bring up child support issues

Child support is a touchy subject and should generally not be discussed around your child. The beginning of a new school year is a time where kids show off all of their new stuff to their friends. This desire for the latest and greatest things can put a strain on your wallet. It’s important not to blame your inability to buy the most expensive things for you child on your child support payments or lack of child support. Do all that you can to avoid talking bad about yourco-parentin front of your child.

Help your child with their daily schoolwork and projects

Regardless of whether or not your child is a fast or slow learner, when your child is residing at your home you should be sitting down with them as they work on their schoolwork. The same goes for yourco-parentas well. The most important thing is to just be there for your child so that they can call on your whenever they need you. This will show them that you’re there to support them in whatever they are doing, not just schoolwork. Also try to coordinate with yourco-parentregarding your child’s schoolwork. Let yourco-parentknow about important due dates and if your child did not complete something before it was time to switch between homes.

Attend important school events with yourco-parent

This may not always be possible if you and yourco-parentare in a high conflict relationship or if you have a no contact order by the court. If it is possible, it’s much more effective when you and yourco-parentare both able to sit down at school orientation, parent-teacher conference, or any other important event on behalf or your child. This is much better than oneco-parentattending and relaying the information to the otherco-parent.

Keep the focus on your child

Don’t get caught up in unnecessary competition or arguments with your co-parent. It’s important to keep the focus on your child during this time and to let your child know that both you and yourco-parent are there for comfort and support. Be as civil as possible given the situation between you and yourco-parent.

Have a backpack for the parents

This way it is the parent’s responsibility to make sure the bag makes it to the other parent, taking the pressure off of the kids.  Additionally, this takes possible inappropriate items from being seen by the kids.  Having a separate backpack for theco-parentto transmit items and forms is a great way to keep the kid out of the middle.



Filed Under: Blog, challenges, Children, Co-Parenting, Communication, Parenting, School Tagged With: , , , , , ,
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