Dear Lisa,

I just started thinking about divorce and really feel overwhelmed by it all.  Where would you recommend I begin?

K.S., Douglasville, Ga.

Dear K.S.,

I appreciate your question and concerns.  Know that what you are feeling is completely normal under the circumstances.  Change of any kind can be overwhelming.  Divorce and its challenges just compound those feelings. 

Let’s start by understanding that the number one biggest determining factor in how your divorce will proceed is the choice you make in how you will divorce. You may not even be aware that there are several paths available to you - mediation, collaborative divorce and of course, traditional litigation, which is the path that folks most commonly think of.

Begin by thinking of your divorce as a business transaction and conducting yourself accordingly.  Get educated, get organized and be a proactive partner with the members of your divorce team, whichever method you choose to use to get your best results.

I meet with clients on a weekly basis who echo these questions and concerns:

·         “I do not know anyone who has been divorced. What will my experience be like?”

·         “I have seen people get divorced. Not only was it a horrible experience, it was unbelievably expensive.  How can I do things differently?”

·         “I want to divorce amicably and still get my fair share. How can I achieve this?”

·         “I want this to be over with quickly.  I’m willing to just let my spouse have what they want so I can be done with it.”

This last statement is the one I hear most often.  It’s also the one that can be the biggest mistake and that may cause you the most regrets later on.  This statement is made from an emotional standpoint.   Understand that making decisions based on emotion will most likely cost you lots of money.

The best thing I can recommend is that you take some time to learn about your options and seek guidance and support where needed. Educate yourself and create pre-divorce strategies that will allow you to be in control of yourself and the process.   This will help you to save time, money and your sanity!