Divorce Money Matters

I had a fabulous day yesterday meeting with several attorneys and a mediator through out the course of the day.  Dishing up divorce while we ate was of course the top topic at hand.

I love speaking about my profession because it is so unique.  Getting a chance to educate others from clients to professionals helps me each time I do by strengthing my conviction on the value of my service and our industry.  Filling in the gaps with the missing pieces is even more valuable when people realize that they didn’t know what they didn’t know.

Teaching some of the more experienced attorneys about tax matters or better settlement outcomes tells me just how important my role is.   At this stage of the game, even they don’t always know what they don’t know.  I am happy to be a part of the team that provides the missing questions and answers.

And so, I continue on my quest to reach, teach, enrich and enlighten the lives of my colleagues and my clients…

A dear friend of mine, SharonKay, lost her sister a few weeks ago.  Kathy Bailey Bonner, passed away on her 55th birthday from complications of Hepatitis C, mainly liver failure. Her full story is on www.FixItWithLove.com.  My deepest condolences go out to her and her family.

When SharonKay and I talked recently, she spoke about not only the pain of losing her sister, but also about the difficulty of dealing with the after math of dividing a loved one’s things.  As in so many families, death can bring out the best and the worst in human beings. 

Fighting over family heirlooms can bring about more pain in the aftermath instead of being treasured for what they are.  When someone passes away without a will to designate who will get what, it leaves the door open to more heartache and family discord.

Struck by her tragedy, it has made SharonKay all the more determined to do better by her own family by coming up with a wonderful idea.  This year for the holidays each of her children and family will get a special something that belongs to her….a piece of jewelry, a long-forgotten photo, a treasured memento….and she is asking each to do the same in kind. 

“Don’t make the holidays about money, make it about legacy.  Show someone you love that you have chosen something of yours that you want them to have.  Make it about love and feelings,”  advised SharonKay.  I couldn’t agree more.  What a better way to share a part of you and help out your finances in these difficult economic times.

Many people leave legacy gifts at special times in their children’s lives…starting school, first date, graduation, and college come to mind.  I’ve been keeping a journal for years in which I write letters to my daughters for every birthday that they have.  I will give this to them when they each become parents some day.  The point is, don’t wait until you are gone to share these things. 

While you are at it, make sure that all of your legal documents are up to date…your living will, medical power of attorney and traditional will.  This is important for everyone to follow up on, but especially so if you have divorced recently as this is one area that frequently gets neglected in the aftermath. 

Putting your affairs in order now, while you are here to do so, is the greatest gift you can give your family.  Leave a legacy of love in all that you do. ~

Boy, how life can throw a curve ball at us, eh?  One day you’re going through life happy and healthy.  Next thing you know your world is turned upside down and inside out by unexpected changes such as stock market crashes, health challenges and cheating spouses. 

It’s rare the person who escapes them.  My biggest curve ball came when I found myself blindsided with dual diagnosis’ of breast cancer and Multiple Sclerosis within 24 hours many years ago.   Fast forward to today and here I am with my career, my new website, my new focus and direction and then it happens again. After 11 years have passed, I recently had to undergo surgery to prevent ovarian cancer this time.  

There we go again….challenges.  This blog that I am posting was intended to start months ago, but has laid idle waiting for my recovery.  Instead of wallowing in the circumstances, I always seek the gifts within the problem to help me get through it. 

And my gift in all of this mess of recovery was an opportunity to sit still (something I rarely do) and look within to find more insight into what really matters at this point in my life.  What’s really important to me, all the while seeking gratitude for all that is right.

And so my point in all of this is that we all face challenges…bumps in the road.  Looking at those challenges as opportunities for growth can help ease the pain and suffering of whatever you are facing.  You’ll never know what gifts may come from your divorce unless you stop to look within.  Remember, this too shall pass…

Wishing you blessings and good health,

Lisa

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In these historic times we are living in there is much to contemplate.  We have elected a new President and many are feeling hopeful that this changing of the guard so to speak will lead us to prosperity again after the struggles so many have been dealing with. 

However, I feel that we cannot put all our emphasis on a new President or Congress, though I am certainly hopeful that these changes will lead us in the right direction as well.  I still believe that if we want change in our lives it must start with each individual.  What steps are you taking today to live the life you desire?  How are you being accountable to yourself? 

With all the wrangling in Washington today, we see fingers being pointed in all directions for the mess our economy is in.  Some point to greedy Wall Street financiers for investing folks hard earner retirement funds into questionable investments. 

Others point at unscrupulous mortgage lenders who approved anyone and everyone they could through unsavory loan practices which then led to the current mortgage meltdown and subsequent foreclosure crisis. 

Still others blame consumers who took “creative” loans that they did not understand to get into homes that many could not afford to begin with.

The consequences are obvious enough. From the bottom up we see homeowners who don’t own those homes anymore.  We see mortgage companies and financial institutions closing their doors daily.  But still the question begs, “Where is the accountability in all of these instances?”

It’s true that all of these factors played a part in the mess we find our economy in at this moment.  But who is being held accountable?  At the most fundamental level, I believe that one lesson, among many, to come from the mortgage mess is to never sign documents that you have not read and fully understood.  That includes loans, contracts and divorce decrees.  A good attorney or lender will take the time to answer all your questions. 

Yes, it’s confusing and time consuming.  Do not make decisions under intimidation or pressure.  That’s usually when the worst mistakes are made.  Mistakes that you may have to live with for a lifetime.  Take the time to educate yourself or consult with those who have more knowledge than you in those areas.

It’s your life and your money.  To create and live the life you want you must be accountable for the choices that you make.  So today….I ask you, “Are you being accountable to yourself in all areas of your life?”